Don’t Hassle the Hoff! The first Viewer’s Choice Blog!

I lost my iPod this week.
I am still in mourning.

I swear it feels like losing my diary. All those personal playlists? Those one or two (oh, okay, or ten or twelve) reeeally embarrassing songs I should never have downloaded because they are complete musical Velveeta but I lurve them anyway? Much, much sadness. The husband has loaned me his, which is a testament to his good-guyness, and I have enjoyed trolling through his 4,000 + songs (Guadalcanal Diary? How could I have forgotten them!), but still…waaaahhhhh!

It was my own stupid fault, too. I shoved my iPod down inside my overloaded grocery cart that I was using to haul stuff back to our house (welcome to Brooklyn). A little voice in my head said, “Don’t do that, Libba. That’s a stupid idea, Libba.” It sounded very Hal-like, from “2001: A Space Odyssey.” But did I listen? Nooooo.

Did I listen to that voice last night when it said, “Libba, you have eaten brisket, corn pudding, mac n cheese, and green bean casserole. May I suggest you not follow it up with a slice of German chocolate cake? You will regret this later, Libba. You will be grabbing for the Maalox like a starlet reaches for her extensions and laxatives before a red carpet gig.” Noooo, I did not listen.

Did I listen when Hal, the Eerie-Bordering-on-Creepy Voice of Reason Inside My Head, said, “Libba, do not watch Season 7 of ‘American Idol.’ You have been sucked in for six, torturous years. You will hate it, Libba. And you will not understand a word Paula says, especially when it has to do with colors, and this will make your brain hurt. You will turn to your husband many times and say, ‘What is IN that Coke glass of hers?’ Change the channel, Libba. Change it now, before the hideous sixties medley can claim what’s left of your soul.” No. No. And no.

Did I listen when, still in deep grief over my lost iPod, I pondered the purchase of some Hello Kitty earrings at Nova Ice? Did I? Well, yes. Actually, I did. I walked away. But I think it’s because the Voice suddenly screamed, “Bitch, if you buy those earrings I am out of here!” I think the Voice actually did a snap and a head swivel, too. Shantay, sashay.

Fortunately, in the midst of lost iPod trauma, I have been reading a very good book, an adult book called SHARP TEETH by Toby Barlow. It’s written in free verse. Wait! Don’t run away! I’m telling you, this book rocks. It’s like a mash-up of L.A. noir, werewolves, superhero comics, and “Fight Club.” You’re in now, right? Plus, the writing is effing phenomenal. What’s not to love? It definitely has mature content (just FYI) but I think it’s really amazing.

I went out to dinner last night with Cassandra Clare, her boyfriend Josh, super-librarian Jennifer Hubert-Swan and her hubby, Phil, and, of course, Barry. We went to Hill Country, a BBQ joint in Manhattan. I put my Texas-sized chip on my shoulder (BBQ? In Manhattan? We’ll see about that!) Good news–it was pretty decent. The chicken and brisket were yummy. The mac n cheese, not so much. The corn pudding? My wife. Sooo good. And the sweet tea was good, too. Today I feel like I never want to eat another morsel, ever.

During the course of the evening, it was revealed that I was going to do a book tour in Germany in the fall. Somehow, like a game of telephone gone wrong (the restaurant was noisy), this got “interpreted” as, “Libba’s big in Germany, y’all!” To which, amidst much giggling, Cassie, Jen, and I all blurted out, “Just like David Hasselhoff!” There ensued a whole, laugh-filled conversation about the likelihood of my touring with the Hoff:

Josh: We’ll get you a “Don’t Hassle the Hoff!” t-shirt.
Me: I must have one. I must have one now. And I want him to drive me around in the car from “Knight Rider.”
Cassie: He will sing you a song about Victorian school girls!
Me: (clapping hands) I want that song, dammit!

There was a whole alt-universe-ish discussion of ways in which the Hoff and I could be joined together on a tour to promote the both of us. And then there was this:

Josh: Would you let him be in the movie?
Me: But of course!
Cassie: Who would he play?
Me: Nightwing. Definitely Nightwing. Can’t you see him in a corset? And then, at some point, he’ll have to run into the Winterlands to save the girls…carrying his lifeguard surf board thingy. This will be a slow-mo shot.

Come on. You know you want it. “Winterlands Watch!” It practically writes itself.
Good times, good times…

I’ve been so lame on the blogging front of late. I was kind of wiped out after the tour (still need to blog about San Fran, Seattle, Portland–will do!). Anyhoo, yesterday, as I was googling videos of marching bands (don’t ask…) I thought, you know, I could be blogging right now and using my time constructively. What should I blog about? I wonder…

Nothing hit me.

So, today, I am offering a poll. I’ve decided to have a VIEWER’S CHOICE BLOG this week. Yes, that’s right–I will write a blog based on what you–YOU! FABULOUS YOU!–want me to write about. Here’s how it will work: Below, I’m listing ten subjects. Vote for the one you like best. Or choose Other. ( Just tell me what Other is.) The topic with the most votes will be the subject of my Friday blog this week.

1. All About Writing
2. What I’m working on now
3. The Oscars
4. Other YA authors
5. Music
6. David Hasselhoff and me on our German tour
7. My favorite things/Pet peeves
8. My cat
9. Fan fiction
10. My imaginary affair with Clive Owen
11. Other

(“See? This list goes up to 11. That’s one more than 10.”)

I’ll keep the polls open until Tuesday at midnight. After that, I’ll tabulate the votes, pick the winner, and on Friday, I will post the Viewer’s Choice blog.

Happy voting!

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