What do we want? Procrastination! When do we want it? Later!

Top Ten List of Procrastination Techniques While on Deadline for Novel

10. Floss
9. Do Google search for various disease symptoms. Become convinced you have every single one. Freak out. Consider booking colonoscopy/barium swallow/MRI/bone density test/fasting blood sugar STAT. Remember you don’t have time. Try to write…since you have so little time left on this planet.
8. Eat chocolate chips straight out of bag. Use several to make semi-sweet morsel replica of Stonehenge.
7. Clean perma-grunge from bottom shelf of fridge.
6. Stage tabletop EQUUS using Star Wars figurines and creepy plastic unicorn. Feel wrong. Watch half-hour of “What Not to Wear” to cleanse brain.
5. Fluff pillows. Twice.
4. Take existing scene from novel and rewrite it as “Dr. Who” mini-episode: “Daleks Come to Spence.”
3. Open fridge. Close fridge. Open fridge. Close fridge.
2. Try to interest cat in dangling sock. Endure feline rejection.
1. Discover new Apple Photo Booth option. Take self-portraits using comic book, fish-eye lens, pop art, and thermal camera options. Take pictures up nose. With turtleneck pulled over head. Posing plastic unicorn perched on glasses. Avoid “normal” setting at all costs.

221 thoughts on “What do we want? Procrastination! When do we want it? Later!

  1. title

    i have a question…..is the title Sweet Far Thing? i saw that on Borders.com and since it was coming out this september……

    Unless you’re coming out with TWO new books this year………but that might be hard….he he

  2. srry about the last 1 my keyboard is posessed…my fav thing to do to procrastinate is to eat brownies and cookies, yesterday i ate atleast 14 brownies and who nos how many cookies have disapeared πŸ˜€ my mom got mad tho and now gaurds the fridge. im waiting for her to go to work tho becus i HAVE NO SKOOL!!!! BUSSES CANCELED!!!!!! YAY!!!!! my bros had to go tho cus their skool doesnt use busses! πŸ˜€ im procrastinating on shoveling outside in the freezing rain/hail (im in toronto) and doing a timeline on new france…..im going to get more brownies……

  3. That is funny!!!

    Wow, i wish i could do all thos things just to wast time, but i just do all of the boring things together.
    Eat,watch tv,listen to music and search on line.

    :p

  4. Re: It’s slow…But worth it

    I’ve got an idea.

    they love eachother but are afraid they’ll lose him(or her)/afraid she(or he) doesn’t love him(or her)/or they think the other one will be put in danger for some reason or another by being around the him(or her)-they truly fall in love and are so frightend by thier newly awakend emotions that they go with one of the constant emotions in life:hate and so they hate him(or her)(or they could both resort to this at the same time) b/c of how they make the other feel…

    Okay,so maybe it’s a FEW ideas…

  5. the avenging unicorn!

    This is a really cool [url=http://www.mcphee.com/items/11554.html]playset.[/url]
    Click the playset to see it.
    Buy it for you son.
    Pretend that the new age lady is your editor, who represents your horrible deadline.
    Impale her on your magical unicorn horn.

    Don’t forget to get your tetanus shot.

  6. ha, I like taking my chocolate chips and making an entire little cookie soap opera (ie. one cookie thinks shes to fat, another has relationship problems and so on).But, sadly, I do not own a creepy plastic unicorn (dang it!:/ )hope you break through!!
    -annina

  7. ha, I like taking my chocolate chips and making an entire little cookie soap opera (ie. one cookie thinks shes to fat, another has relationship problems and so on).But, sadly, I do not own a creepy plastic unicorn (dang it!:/ )hope you break through!!
    -annina

  8. Eh, I like to watch “What Not to Wear”, but mostly to make fun of them… honestly, I think they make many people look worse, at least clothes-wise. Why would anyone in their right mind rather wear a suit jacket than a flowy, lacy black skirt?
    But that’s just my opinion…

  9. Dr Who!!!

    Oh. My. God. It is *painful* trying to find people who actually *know* what Dr. Who is… [cannont type, laughing to hard at Daleks come to Spence] [cannot type, remembering when Capt. Jack suggests an old lady is wondering what 4 people could possibly be doing in a small, wooden box. Applying to Victorian era] Did you seriously do that? Hah… Should *totally* be on fanfiction.net…

    Umm… [tips hat, bows, runs off]

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