Can’t think pithy thoughts.
Can’t finish novel.
Can’t write LJ entry.
So instead, I’m having a guest star blogger: Miss Rachel Cohn. I’m posting her response to my last blog and going back to the writing of third novel. And now, Rachel Cohn:
Dear Ms. Great-and-not-at-all-Terrible Bray,
It has been brought to my attention that you’ve outted my love for High School Musical on your LJ. (Of course, I outted it myself on my amazon blog, but no one reads that – which is exactly why I maintain it there.) I could anonymously comment my response on your blog, but I’m old-fashioned; I prefer to kick it old school via e-mail. So, herewith, my comments:
The espresso malted milk balls have all been part of my master plan to extract from you the secrets of the third book. (Insert maniacal laugh here.) And I know book #3 is Top Secret, but ahhhh, I know stuff now! The temptation to sell the info on eBay is weighing heavily on me. But your secrets are safe with me (as is the assurance of future deliveries of espresso malted milk balls – or are you ready to upgrade to the chocolate-covered espresso beans from Oren’s – way more deadly, I mean, your heart will jump out of your chest from the pounding?). In return, all I ask of you is to figure out a way for Gemma to call upon the realms and bring forth Markus Zusak to sit in my chair and write my next book for me. Libba, if you continue not to put out on that level, I’m not sure how long I can hold out with keeping the Knowledge to myself. Just saying.
It should be understood that the real High School Musical addiction has to do with the songs I downloaded. See, the intrinsic danger of feeding songs from the ‘pod to your brain, on repeat repeat repeat, is that your brain takes on the message from the songs. A few weeks ago, I had Cat Power’s new CD on such heavy rotation that it almost put me into a trance – and the overplay of the song “Hate” possibly made me the most venomous person in NYC for a while there. But daily repeat listens to those damned addicting High School Musical songs have rendered me incapable of intelligible thought (and intelligent thought – but I was already there, anyway, no thanks to HSM). Examples of recent conversations:
“Rachel, do you think I should change my hair color?”
Rachel (wagging her index finger and singing very off-key): “NO NO NO! Stick to the stuff you know!”
“Rachel, the book I’m working on has me completely confused. What should I do to get out of this rut?”
Rachel (bouncing her index finger against her forehead temples) “You gotta get’cha, get’cha, get’cha head in the game!”
“Rachel, you seem so happy. What’s your secret?”
Rachel (throwing her arms in the air and twirling ‘round and ‘round): “I’m soaring! Flying! There’s not a star in Heaven that I can’t reach!”
(Please. Someone stage an intervention. Except for Ryan and Sharpay’s songs. I will never give them up. NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I specifically did not bring the High School Musical video to your apt for us to watch because we know what that would have meant. Buh-bye, writing day. As a devoted member of your fangirl tribe, I cannot in good faith contribute to Further Acts of Procrastination on Top Secret Book #3, especially by way of the Disney Channel. I will continue to shoot you up with espresso malted milk balls until your book is finished. Then, and only then, shall I hand the video over to you. So git writin’.
Yours most devotedly,
Rachel (who thanks you for not calling her “Rach”)
P.S. A great resource for your aspiring teen writer friends: http://absynthemuse.com/.
P.P.S. You are welcome to post this on your blog – or not.
I did. So there.