I’ve never thought much about my choice of beloved bands until I started having to explain them to my five-year-old. To wit, my son’s obsession with the song, “Dracula from Houston.”
Him (groovin’ to the Ipod): “Mommy, I like this song!”
Me (filled with a sense of cool mommy pride): “Yeah, it’s great, isn’t it? This band is from Texas.”
Him: What band is this?
Me: Uh, um, well…heh, heh, heh, you know it’s the darndest thing…they’re called, ah, they’re called the Butthole Surfers, honey.
(sounds of raucous five-year-old laughter.)
Him: Bwahahahahahahaha! THE BUTTHOLE SURFERS! THE BUTTHOLE SURFERS!
Me: Heh, heh, well, yes, you know we probably shouldn’t…
Him: BUTTHOLE SURFERS! BUTTHOLE SURFERS!
Me:…shouldn’t, um, you know, say that at school or to your friends because it’s not so nice. Really. I mean, it’s funny, but you know–only in the house kind of funny.
(2 hours later during a playdate.)
Him: Hey Joey, you know what this band is called? THE BUTTHOLE SURFERS!!!
No way am I introducing him to the Sex Pistols.
In other news, I let the kid use the Polaroid because I had this wacky idea that we could take pictures of, oh, I don’t know, bunnies and unicorns and crap, and then make it into a story together. “Bunny’s Big Sleepover!” “Hot Wheels in the Hallway!” “Jeremiah Bear Wears a Variety of Hats!” You know, something that, years from now, when he has his first show at the Whitney, people could look back at and see evidence of his genius even as a kindergartner stuck at home with Mom on a rainy day.
So what does the kid take a picture of? My butt. No joke–I’m at the ‘fridge looking for a Diet Coke and I hear this fiendish giggle and the flash goes off behind me…low behind me…and I think, you evil demon seed. But hey, I’m game. “Okay Mr. Smarty Pants,” I said all cool-mom like, pasting it onto the page, “what’s the caption for this picture then?”
And he puts his hand to his chest–I kid you not–and in his best 1950’s horror movie impression, eyes rolled up in his head, he says, “The butt of DOOM!”
I do not know what we have spawned, but he is not boring.
So REALLY in other news, I put my butt of doom on a couch at Tea Lounge today and wrote for five hours, and it’s possible this first draft will be finished by the end of the month.
And there was much rejoicing.